I didn't like the movie, I didn't like the book.
But it's on TV right now and I am thinking twice about it.
After my divorce from Don, I swore I'd never get married again.
I wanted love but on my terms. I didn't want to lose myself-who I was, am, to become someone else's ideal of who I should be.
Oh I allowed it to happen. Not consciously of course, but I never thought I was good enough for him. He was Donnie Joe. Everyone knew him. Everyone liked him.
I thought he was a gift. For 22 years I was his wife. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Then he left. Started drinking again after 13 years of sobriety and hasn't stopped since. That was 12 years ago.
It took a while but I finally came to understand how much of me I had lost. And I mourned for that. For the years that I'd lost.
Many things happend during that time, candle burning, 4 years without someone to love, someone to make love with. Serious life changes, moves. Eventually I met Kevin.
Someone in this movie said that when soulmates meet there is an electricity. That's true. Sparks flew.
We have our problems. We don't always get along, but then I think back to that meeting and I realize that no matter what. That is there, that electricity. A connection that many lifetimes has survived.
We are connected at a level that has survived for centuries, for millenia.
But the movie.... I wouldn't have gone back. I'm a Pisces. I don't know if that's why I am the way I am, but the world is too much with me. The pain is so present and I long to be free. To have genuine happiness without the shadows.
Not to fear. I don't plan on doing myself in. I go on - I am strong but I do grow weary with the ever-present pain.
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5 comments:
A true post. You are bringing out aspects of you that would, I am sure, normally be well-hidden. All of us are vulnerable. At times life may lull you into a sense of false security, a feeling of strength and certainty... but this can so easily shatter - it's made of glass. When we are in the good times we've got to relish each moment, treasure each day because by next year it could all so easily be gone. Bon Voyage!
I keep coming back to your blog but you're not blogging! Imagine these words six feet high on a billboard - "BY GEORGE MUST BLOG!... NOW!"
Well I was hoping that some of my other friends would check in.. but I guess they just have better things to do. *shrug*
from indi...
*hugz*
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